The Old Ball and Chain
Adam Krause
Contributing columnist
Ah, Valentine’s Day! It brings a flutter to some people’s hearts, and it prompts a groan from many. While Valentine’s Day may be a day to experience a romantic rendezvous with your loved on, it should also be a day for people to be realistic about relationships. Although many young folks are supposedly in love, perhaps some of us should take a bit more time before we decide to settle down.
A majority of college students are fresh out of high school or just a few years older, and while many kids still enjoy the single life, there are a number of young folks whose eyes are blinded by love.
Now, I’m not writing to take the wind out of anyone’s romantic sail, but since a good lot of us are young, maybe we should sit back and reflect on our parents’ lives. Many of us probably get mixed advice from our elders, but considering how the Baby Boomer generation is riddled with divorce, maybe we should take a hint. After all, it’s no surprise that many who lived through the Free Love era could never quite settle for just one partner. Take things slow, play the field, and the rest of those cliche pieces of advice. Don’t get married for any reason other than true, honest love. Who cares what your friends are doing, or what your family says, or what’s on TV. If it’s true love, it’ll transcend all that trivial crap.
While it’s true that not all young marriages are unsuccessful, there are a good amount of unhappy couples, and many of them got married for the wrong reasons. Many a time young couples have children and are then joined in marriage solely for that reason(much to the detriment of the poor child). When one is ready to settle down with someone, it shouldn’t be because they accidentally had a child, they want tax exemptions, or they want to capitalize on benefits provided by employers. While such things are certainly helpful, they should not skew the minds of kids our age.
Many young folks feel that they are not worthy unless they have someone to love and cherish. They also see their peers getting hitched and they feel the need to fit in and conform. Many of us have probably known some of these clingy folks, and in most cases, they may be naive or unrealistic about relationships and marriage. Our society glamorizes marriage in many ways, especially with new reality shows like ‘The Bachelor’.
Unfortunately, the fairy-tale, soap-opera depictions of love and marriage are far from reality in most cases, and with the reality shows, the couples are forced to get acquainted in a short period of time, in awkward circumstances. Hopefully none of us will ever get so desperate for attention or love that we’ll subject ourselves to such absurd sensationalism.
Another problem that seems to lead many young folks to young marriage revolves around losing one’s virginity. Now, there are some of us who just roll with the punches and get on with life after that event, but there are some young folks who have never been in a serious relationship, nor have they had much sexual contact with the opposite sex. Often times when people like this get together as a couple, they will ‘fall in love’ with each other shortly after their first horizontal mambo session. Come on, now!
I hardly think it’s a coincidence that two young, naive, and newly de-virginized people happen to fall in love after such an event. In many cases, the girl will feel a stronger emotional connection with her partner, and the guy? Well, the guy is probably just confusing his love with his lust; hopefully you don’t have that problem. Here are some tips to avoid these confused feelings:
Ladies, don’t go mentioning the words ‘love’, ‘relationship’, or ‘commitment’ before, during, or after sex. Unless you’re guy is Prince Charming, he probably won’t return your calls ever again. Enjoy yourself if it’s good, and if you’re just doing it to please your guy, then maybe you should rearrange your priorities. Most of you are smart enough to know that the first one is probably not ’the’ one.
Guys, don’t go buying all that lame, cliche stuff. Can you imagine how often girls get stuffed animals, chocolate, and flowers? Change it up a little bit. All that stuff is so typical, it makes some ladies feel like you’re just trying to buy your way into their pants(though you may well be). Always work on your imagination; it’ll serve you well, even in the sack. Your lady will be greatly appreciative, too, I’m sure. And forget marriage talk; you’ll either scare the girl away, or she’ll fall madly in love with you. Take it easy, brother.
There is no rush to get married. Think about the future and try to see what you want down the road. Many of us do want to get married, but we should also be patient and reasonable about it. One thing that is consistent between the realistic folks and the ultra-sappy folks is that most of them want a secure, happy future. If they plan to start a family, it would seem that they want to ensure that they and their spouse can provide for all of their children; unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way.
In the back of people’s minds, such hopes linger around and propel us into the future, but how responsible is it for two kids that are still in college to get married? Like many students, they will be bringing along their student loans and then there’s the whole buying-a-house ritual(and don’t forget fully furnishing and decorating it). If we want to have secure and happy futures, shouldn’t we be focusing on ourselves for the time being? Certainly. Once we’ve got a firm grasp on life, then we should look to share it with someone we love.
If a person can barely get by on their own, what makes them think that adding more stress to their life will help the situation improve? Impatience and naivety. One can’t honestly expect to live easily in their first few years of marriage if they’re dealing with the stress of new jobs, new bills, and quite possibly new additions to the family. Then many people fall victim to their peers again; they want to have that leather couch and that plasma TV. They want that fishing boat, that SUV, and that oversized $200,000 home in the new subdivision. All of these material desires have to be paid for somehow; charge it to a credit card or take out a loan! So now our newlyweds are drowning in even more debt.
Sure, having to struggle builds character, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere. It’s no wonder many young couples get divorced; the unnecessary stress they put themselves through is overwhelming. Perhaps many of these marriages also fail because these young adults weren’t experienced enough to know how to handle all the aspects of the married life(especially finance). What a shame; they should have waited.
Now, it would be a lie to say that life gets easier as you get older; it gets more complicated all the time. So don’t go adding the complication of marriage into the mix! If one waits until their late 20’s to wed, then they will have probably graduated, held down a job for a few years, stashed some cash in the bank or in other more profitable investments, and hopefully dated a good enough amount of people to know what they need in a partner. If not, be a bit more patient; think about the children you may one day raise, and don’t make it any harder on them than it already may be. Sure, no one wants to be alone, but in order to have companionship for the rest of your life, you need to be sure that it’s the one right from the start.
If a person is too hasty in their decision to wed, they may end up regretting those wasted years in the end. And while there’s a bright side to every experience, one shouldn’t needlessly put themselves through such awful emotional and mental grief at such a young age. Unless you’re a veteran player or coquette, then you probably haven’t had many experiences with sex or relationships. If you have, then good for you; you may be more prepared to settle down. After all, being a heartbreaker is hard work, and you just might want to settle down some day.
Nevertheless, the truth is that most of us probably aren’t experienced enough to know what we need in a partner. On top of that, most of us probably have no real concept of love except for those sappy high school relationships, or the things we hear from other supposedly happy couples.
If you’re in a relationship this February 14th, then more power to you. The benefits are obvious: companionship, mutual attraction, and being able to have sex without worrying whether or not the person has a disease! Just remember that if you’re about to pop the question to your lady, or if your about to ‘forget’ to take your birth control pill, think twice. The decisions you make now may quite possibly be some of the most crucial decisions in your life. It’s Valentine’s Day; have some fun, but don’t get too serious with the marriage stuff We’re still young, and our hearts can change almost as easily as our minds.
And if you’re not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, then go out and have a ball, or stay in and cry yourself to sleep. Whichever you choose, remember that it is better to be young and free, than to be old and filled with regret over one hasty decision. Take your time, and things will fall into place. If not, it wasn't meant to be!